Holdcroft Funnies - The Lighter Side of Motoring
A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, 'What will you take: 30 days or £60?' The man thought and replied, 'I think I'll take the money.'
A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a chap on a moped pulls up next to him. The guy on the moped leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car. Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and screeches off and leaves the guy on the moped in his dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the moped zip on past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the moped. A few seconds later, he again sees the moped zip on past him. So now he's a little irate as well as a little mifted that that moped keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 150 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that moped could catch him now, but then looks in the rear-view mirror and sees that moped starting to catch up. He then decides to find out what that moped really is and slams on his brakes. Then the moped crashes straight into the Porsche. After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the moped rider lying in the road and goes over to him and askes how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy moped... The man replied, 'I can't really, but my braces were caught on your side mirror....'
There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A State Trooper pulls it over. 'What have I done wrong, officer?' the driver asks.
'You are going 27mph on a major highway. There is a law against that,' the officer says to the driver. 'You must go at least 50mph.'
'But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 27!" the driver replies.
'HA HA HA!' The officer laughs out loud. 'That is because this is Interstate 27! The 27 isn't the speed limit!' The driver leans back in her car seat and the cop sees another woman sitting beside her. She looked as pale as a ghost.
'What happened to her?' the officer asks.
'I don't know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160.'
I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
A man in a Jaguar passed a mini that had broken down by the side of the road. Being a kindly driver, he stopped and fixed a tow-rope to it and began towing it to the nearest garage. After 10 minutes of towing, a Ferrari passed them at high speed. The Jaguar driver was not going to be outdone by a Ferrari, so, forgetting that he had a mini in tow, slammed his foot down and the Jaguar and Ferrari indulged in a high-speed race down the road, the mini and it's occupant trailing wildly about at the end of the rope frantically trying to attract their attention and failing.
A Police car saw them and gave chase. The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters 'Sarge, you'll never believe this, I've just seen a Ferrari and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150 mph - and a bloke in a mini flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!'
A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five pounds to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, 'At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day.'
'Can't,' replied the farmer 'At night I haul water for the hole.'
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